Apparently I have a sort of writer's block. How can I know this if I am not writing anything terribly contiguous and coherent you might ask? Well, the constant inner stream is a bit more disjointed and full of less random glimmers of randomness than usual and my rants tend to peter off before hitting full steam. It could be that I have been attempting to be a duck at work with the rolling of things off my back, and to cut off the negative chatter in my head once it starts. There is dialogue all of the time....random conversations, ideas, et cetera. I must say they have been tainted by lack of sleep and more than the usual (isn't that always the way) pile of CRAP at work. :) Ergo my mental chastising.
I mean why meditate on negative things?? Even if they seem to
eat at you for small intervals. Again, sleeping more would reestablish the nice happy buffer I am thinking. Easiersaidthandone.
It's bad when you feel livid before setting foot across work's threshold...in mere anticipation of the day's potential nonsense. :S
To put it in an uncharacteristically small nutshell (for me, you know, cause my so called brevity generally warrants a nut that one might find at the base of a er Sequoia sempervirens if they sprouted nuts rather than gigantic cones proportional to their height, cause that thing has a long way to fall and the seeds have to remain intact, a few of them, so it needs must be sturdy though come to think of it they don't reproduce via cones and then there's the fire required to activate...anyway! nutshell...nutshell): My boss needs to grow a pair and run the office rather than letting it run her. She was literally shaking with anger yesterday morning after a particular incident with one of our less than tactful/mindful coworkers. And this is someone whose face should grace the dictionary right beside the entry for "chipper" as in perpetually or "sunshine" as in "it shines out the back of her neck always". Her default mode is ecstatic. So to see her veritably twitching with displeasure is well....
frightening.
Did she confront said person of the notsosubtle demeanor? NO. She let herself cool off and then...let it go. Today she seemed to be tweaking a bit still under a couple layers of the Happy though I did note that it was..hmm...transitory. I kind of spoke to her only when absolutely necessary until later on when her mood lightened a tad.
So the toxic atmosphere has been a bit much to bear. Too many cranky people in a small space.
And OH, Suman, hahahahaha, yeah.
We had a disagreement of sorts. She's rather theatrical or can be. I like her or did until she got on the wrong side of me. She has sparred with various people there repeatedly, and I have...always defended her, tried to see her view of things, respected her opinions cause I like her blablabla but the other day she went too far and somehow misinterpreted my shrugging my shoulders when asked a question that did not even pertain to her....
In any case, it takes an awful lot to get me to the point where I will show you my less than pleasant side. I have been told that my anger is startling and ...effusive cause no one expects someone like me to get angry...in the manner *cough* that I do. It's apparently a bizarrely articulate, eyes-like-dinner-plates, ire. Or so I have been told.
So today the latest slight: she gets cute little note cards for everyone in the office but me. hah. She made up this random excuse for why mine went mysteriously missing, and I shot her my 'Don't screw with me cause I know you're lying. Just say what's on your mind. Please don't waste my time with fakery' look. She scarcely made eye contact for the rest of the day though I was civil and bordering on agreeable and spoke in her general direction when she asked for something.
Me. I do not have perfectly combed hair, snazzy outfits, makeup applied with a ruler, or a masters in neurobiology, and an overflow of confidence that is so loud that it can be heard from orbit but apparently I do possess something else...because she looked genuinely uneasy in my presence on more than one occasion. Alternatingly quiet, careful about her appearance but not especially showy, measuring everything before doing anything, not exuding loads of arrogance Erin made Suman look ...flummoxed. It wasn't a guilty look either. I have never spied a crack in Suman's ,for want of a better word cause it sounds..wrong, mask before. Hmm.
I think that I should start using my powers for Evil instead of Good! :)
Seriously...if I exuded as much confidence as she does....yeah, okay. That would just make me harder to talk to and I invariably would slip and revert to dork mode...My primary impulse is towards partial camouflage. Even writing in here about myself can be...a challenge. :/
I am sorry that we are not ..conversing. But shhhh, nobody let her know that!
I am still sour about it. Rrrr.
In any case...
I have the habit of wandering off from the electrical thingies and beginning to lose consciousness to a swirl of images and thoughts with everything still switched on. Lights, computer, network, balcony lights, et al. And of course at some point I peer out from my blanket and array of cushions and peaceful inner swirl to survey the kilowatt hour waste humming around me, and must of course pry myself up to turn it all off. This in turn breaks the spell I was under, the happy slide into a good night's sleep and renders me terribly alert! Returning to my nest I find that I ..cannot go back to sleep.
I know what the solution is....switch it
all off beforehand,
leave a light on, curl up with a nice book and be within lazy reach of a light putter outer grab my iPhone and meddle with it and it will put itself to sleep when I am long since lapsed into dreamland. Haha. XD;;;;
Seriously, I need machines and lights that sense when my brainwaves have shifted into alpha/theta mode and turn themselves off. Yes. Wish I could invent that. I swear that the upstairs vending machine at HealthNet and I shared a telepathic bond of sorts. I would put in money and it would spit out canned tea without my having to press any buttons. It obviously approved of my decision to quit drinking soda. ^^
*sigh*
Hmm...